Saying ‘YES’ to Self: Tricks to Find Our Voice and Prioritise Our Dreams

Arvind P

5 March 2025

Let me ask you something: when was the last time you truly said ‘YES’ to yourself? Not just a hesitant ‘maybe’, not a conditional ‘if I have time’, but a full-hearted, unapologetic YES to what you truly want?

For most people, saying ‘YES’ to themselves is much harder than it should be. We say ‘YES’ to work obligations, family expectations, and social commitments, but when it comes to our own needs, we hesitate, push them aside, and think, ‘Maybe later’.

Well, guess what? Later never comes unless you make it happen.

In this article, I talk about the need behind prioritising ourselves, finding our voice, and finally permitting ourselves to live the life we’ve always wanted.

Saying ‘YES’ to ourselves is about prioritising our needs, dreams, and well-being. It helps rewire our brains to embrace self-worth. Pursuing what truly matters leads to happiness and success.

In This Article

Why We Struggle to ‘Yes’ to Self

Why is it so difficult to prioritise ourselves? It turns out, human psychology has a lot to contribute to this.

The Conditioning Trap

From a young age, we’re taught to be selfless, to put others first, to be a “good” son, daughter, spouse, or employee. We’re trained to equate saying “yes” to ourselves with being selfish.

Think about a time when you wanted to take a break, but guilt crept in because you felt like you were “wasting time.”

Remember when you had a passion. Maybe painting, writing, or travelling, but people around you said it wasn’t “practical” or “important”.

Society glorifies self-sacrifice, making us feel like we need to “earn” our right to happiness.

But here’s the truth. Prioritising oneself doesn’t mean neglecting others. It simply means we are recognising that our dreams matter too.

The Fear Factor

Let’s be real. Fear of failure is a major player in why we don’t say yes to ourselves.

Fear of failure makes us second-guess ourselves: “What if I try and fail? What will people say?”
Fear of judgment holds us back: “What if they think I’m not good enough?”
Fear of change makes us stick to our comfort zones: “What if I don’t like it? What if I regret it?”

Our brains are wired to avoid risk. Fear activates the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing threats. However, neuroscientists have found that fear and excitement trigger the same brain activity.

Therefore, one effective strategy to overcome fear is to reframe ‘Fear’ as ‘Excitement’. Instead of asking, “What if I fail?”, try asking, “What if I succeed?”.

The shift in perspective helps our brain associate risk-taking with opportunity rather than danger.

“Any time an opportunity scares you that much, you should seriously consider saying yes.”
Rob Lowe

The Perfectionism Trap

How many times have we told ourselves, “I’ll start when the time is right”? This endless wait for the right time or the perfect time is a trap. It stops us from trying anything new. We often tell ourselves:

“I’ll write my book when I have more experience.”
“I’ll start my business once I have saved enough money.”
“I’ll take a vacation when I finish all my work.”

Remember, the ‘right time’ is a myth. There will never be a perfect moment. Conditions will never be 100% ideal. If we keep waiting, we will be waiting forever.

Steps for Learning to Say ‘Yes’

All right, now that we understand why we struggle, let’s get into how we can change that. Science has some fascinating insights on how we can train ourselves to say ‘YES’ to our dreams without guilt or hesitation. Through my experience, I have found the following steps to be highly effective.

You can try them too:

Discover Your Authentic Voice

Finding your voice is about identifying your desires and giving them expression, however imperfectly at first. For years, I deferred to others’ preferences, muting my own under a chorus of agreement. It wasn’t until I paused to ask, “What do I truly want?” that I began to hear myself.

Start with Quiet Reflection: Step away from life’s clamour—not necessarily through formal meditation, but by creating a space to listen to yourself.

I started with simple queries: “Do I enjoy this task, or am I just accustomed to it?” This led to deeper questions: “Does this path align with my goals, or am I avoiding change?”

Self-determination theory suggests three core needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.

Upholding our choices bolsters autonomy. Evidence suggests that it fosters greater happiness and resilience. Our inner voice, then, transforms into a cornerstone of well-being.

Manage Your Inner Critic

We all have an internal observer, often quick to caution or critique. Mine frequently questions my endeavours, suggesting they’re bound to falter. This stems from that negativity bias, amplifying risks over rewards.

To overcome this, we need to acknowledge our self-doubt and reframe our perspective. Instead of resisting, we must acknowledge the doubt by saying, “Yes, this might not work”. And then we counter it with a possibility: “But what if it does?”.

Reframing lessens the critic’s sway, redirecting our focus to potential benefits.

Progress triggers dopamine, the brain’s feel-good chemical. Breaking big goals into manageable pieces helps sustain this reward through a series of small wins. This, in turn, fuels our motivation to do more.

I’ve practised this: accepting my doubts about writing, then proceeding anyway. Often, the outcome exceeded my fears.

Prioritise Your Dreams

Dreams excite us. Until we face the reality of our daily responsibilities.

Chores and distractions keep pulling us away. To stay focused, we need to prioritise. Our time and energy are limited. The most important things must always be at the top.

Setting aside time for specific tasks is very helpful, as we often overestimate how much we can do and underestimate interruptions. When unfinished tasks linger in our minds, we tend to ignore our dreams.

Even if we set aside 20 minutes a day to pursue our interests, it can make a huge difference. That’s how I made time for writing, and the results surprised me.

Learning to Say ‘No’ also worked for me. Skipping social plans made me uncomfortable, but I realised that my true friends will support my growth.

Social overload drains our energy. Protecting our priorities isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Think of it like training for a marathon. Set a goal, tell someone, and trade one leisure hour for a short run.

Benefits of Saying ‘Yes’ to Self

Saying ‘YES’ to ourselves helps us overcome self-doubt, set healthy boundaries, and take control of our lives with confidence.

When we start prioritising self, our whole life changes. We transform into a happier and more confident version of ourselves.

If we practice the steps suggested by me, a few changes that you will notice in yourselves are:

Increased Confidence: Saying yes to self builds self-trust. We stop waiting for approval and start believing in ourselves.
Better Relationships: When we prioritise our needs, we show up as our best selves for others. More fulfilled, less resentful, and truly present.
Greater Success: Most successful people, like entrepreneurs, artists, and leaders, got there because they chose themselves first. The moment we start valuing our dreams, doors start opening.

Recap

At the end, to summarise, let me quickly recap:

Start small: Say yes to little things. Wearing what you love, ordering the dessert, and taking 10 minutes for yourself.
Use affirmations: Science proves that positive self-talk rewires neural pathways. Try saying, “I deserve to pursue my dreams.”
Visualise success: Athletes use this technique to boost performance. Picture yourself succeeding. It helps our brain believe it’s possible.
Prioritise: Identify the 20% of tasks, people, and activities that bring real value to your life.
Say Yes Consciously: Be decisive. Say yes to what fuels you and no to what drains you.
Think Before Committing: Before committing to a goal or task, ask yourself: “Does this align with my goals?”